death fear

Lets Talk About Death

Because of the spread of Covid-19 doctors are now suggesting that we as a society start to talk more openly about death. I personally think it’s a fantastic idea, talking about it, not dying that is, although that’s open to debate also.

So whether or not Covid-19 proves to be as fatal as the experts are leading us to believe, it is important that we talk about death, because it is something that we as human-beings can’t escape from. We as a society have sugar coated death for too long, when someone dies we say they have ‘passed away’ or ‘crossed the rainbow bridge’, I’m sorry but what the fuck, when a person dies they don’t passaway, or cross a rainbow bridge, they are dead, simple as.

Why are we so scared of accepting the finality of death? When an animal goes to a slaughterhouse no one says they are going there to pass away or to cross the rainbow bridge, nope they are going to be killed, to die. We are nothing more than thinking animals, as much we like to think that we are different from the animal kingdom.

We live in an almost constant fear of death, whether death be physical or mental. We form attachments and we are scared of letting go because of the fear of feeling something. Also, we fear death because we are probably more scared of living, and of truly experiencing life.

Don’t Hide From The Reality Of Death

How many of us actually spend time contemplating our physical death? The very process of death? The process is fascinating and the more people personally study it, the less they will be scared of it. Naturally, there are many different ways we can die, the prefered is being safe in our own beds, but the reality is that some of us will die in a brutal way.

This is the inescapable nature of our reality. We should not run from death, but neither should we readily embrace it. When our time comes we should face it with as much bravery and dignity as we can muster.

Some people say they are not scared of death because they believe in Jesus, life after death or whomever, or whatever. That’s fine, and I certainly have my own thoughts on these things also, but that doesn’t change the reality of dying. I have worked in health care for 14 years and I have seen the many different ways that people handle the prospect of death. For some there is no fear, and they actually almost embrace that it will happen, then there are others who are defiant and don’t give a shit, and then there are the ones that are scared to death about dying.

It doesn’t matter what you think will happen when you die, whether it is sitting next to Jesus or being in a paradise with rivers of honey and all the virgins you could want. What you think of heaven is of no importance, because to get there you have to pass through the gateway we call death first.

So, my friends it’s time to embrace the opportunity to seriously contemplate death, and the process of dying. Nobody knows the time or the circumstances of their ending, but we all know that our ending is firmly set in stone because that is the nature of life on planet Earth.

death God And Religion Uncategorized

One Funeral And The Flu!

My dad died on Christmas Day, bit of a bummer that one, but at least it will be an easy day to remember.  Good one dad!

My dads funeral took a while to sort out, in fact it took almost an entire month.  The funeral was set for the 22nd January 2020, and during the wait for the big day I went through various thoughts concerning the death of the old man, the funeral and the wake.

This might come as a bit of a surprise to some people, but after 44 years of life on Terra, I have never been to a funeral!  I know, weird right?!  The last person to die in my family was my mums, mum and she left her body to science so there was no funeral to attend.

The Journey…

We took a funeral limo to the crematorium which was a strange experience in itself, I always wondered what the family talked about every time I would see one of these limos in the street.

As it turns out, if my family is anything to go by, it was usual shit.  My sister asked me how my job was going, my eldest brother looked casually out the window and then there was the usual banter back and forth.

At one point we were ahead of schedule so the limo driver reduced speed to 20 mph, I swear to God at one point we were being over taken by snails, and I almost blurted out “for the love of God, speed up before we die of old age!”

Even after we s-l-o-w-l-y arrived, we were still early!  My mum was given the choice of waiting in the limo or to go in to the visitors area and mingle with friends and family.  My mum choose for us to stay in the limo, a very long 15 minutes later we finally made our way into the crematorium.

Funerals Are As I Expected

To be perfectly honest I didn’t want to go to my dads funeral, it’s not that I hated the man or anything, sure we had issues in our relationship and I’m pretty sure in many ways I was a disappointment to him, but oh well, such is life.

To me death is a continuation of life, it isn’t something to be sad over, it’s a reason to celebrate, both the life of the soul here on Earth and also their onward journey.  Also, I always had a feeling that funerals are such a mindbogglingly dull event that they were best avoided in case, well, in case of being bored shit-less.

My dad didn’t plan his own funeral because of the unexpected and fast growth of his condition, so my mum bless her, did the very best she could.  The service was nice, and I think my dad would of been happy with what my mum had done for him.  I don’t have any issues with any of that, I also have no issues with people needing the funeral to serve as a sense of closure.

I won’t disrespect the experience and needs of others, but just for me I was completely bored senseless.  The service took about 40 minutes, which is rather long from what I understand from others who have attended cremations have stated.  I can certainly say that I felt every one of those 40 minutes, and I must have checked my watch about 4 times during the service.

Family, That Was Weird

If the whole funeral wasn’t weird enough, meeting people outside the service was even weirder.  I am not exactly close with my family, so seeing people I haven’t seen for over 20 years and then having to make awkward small talk was even weirder.

I felt like at the end of every conversation I was supposed to finish off by saying something like “well, it’s been so lovely seeing you again.  See you in another 20 years, or another funeral, whichever comes first eh?”

I saw my two nieces who are now in their early twenties, the last time I saw them they were about 6 years old.  Nice one girls, you really know how to make a man feel old!

I am not the type of person who dwells on time lost, but an awful lot can happen in 20 years.  Makes you think.

Waving Goodbye To The Wake

I didn’t go to the wake as I was suffering from a virus, so really I shouldn’t of even gone to the funeral, but I had a feeling that my family would never of forgave me, but I didn’t go for them, I went for my mum.

My mum had great concerns that she didn’t know how she was going to get through the day, but she did really well, and think she probably even surprised herself.  I can’t imagine what it would be like to lose someone you have been close with for almost 50 years.

Thanks, But It’s Not For Me

If my dads funeral has taught me but one thing, it’s that it’s not for me.

I am NEVER going to die!

All kidding aside, personally I think they are a pointless and futile experience, at least the way they are carried out currently.  I know I have only seen one, and my partner assures me that they are not all like this.

That maybe so, but it’s still not for me.

I have heard some people say that at their funeral they will have strippers and loud music and I can see their point, at least it wont be dull.  Maybe that is the point, it has to be dull to force you into a state of reflection.

Personally, I can still have a reflective frame of mind without being bored silly.

When I eventually leave this earth plane I don’t think I want a service or flowers, or anything like that.  I would love for my body to wrapped in a shroud and placed in a viking long ship, set a blaze and sent out to sea.

Although I am pretty sure that isn’t legal in my country, so I guess my partner will have to shell out for a litre of petrol and some matches and go full on backyard bbq.

A Lighter Note

The joys of getting older, adult diapers, losing your teeth, hair, eyesight and memory and if that isn’t bad enough some of us less mature souls lose our sense of humour.

If I can’t be cremated when I die, do me a favour and bury me face down in a shallow grave so at least someone can use my arse as a place to park their bike!