God And Religion

Who Is The Real YOU?

Who are we really? I don’t mean the question of us being spiritual beings or such things, I mean deep down who are we as individuals? Most of us plod along in life barely looking at who we are, except on those occasions that events conspire to make us look at ourselves momentarily.

For most of us we barely penetrate beyond the superficial depths of our conscious minds. Only when major events come in to our lives that we take the time to self introspect, although for many the opportunity for self introspection turns into the ‘poor little old me syndrome’.

I have personally been lucky, or maybe that should be unlucky depending on your point of view to have had several mental health crisis’s throughout my adult life. Every crisis taught me something different, the first crisis I had was when I was 24 and it impacted my life in many ways for several years, but I used the opportunity to consciously find out about myself.

Well, so I thought.

I read many books on various topics that were ailing me mentally, and I thought I was learning, but I wasn’t. I had identified aspects of myself that were dark in nature, and intellectually I had understood them, so I thought that I knew them, but I didn’t. As an example I had difficulty dealing with my anger, so I would read books on anger and be like “yes, that’s me, I’m angry, and I know what to do about it” In reality the understanding of my anger was superficial and shallow and my tactic for dealing with it was to treat it like a virus and suppress it.

Now, like putting a lid on boiling water, eventually the pressure builds to eventually a negative outcome is achieved. This happened to me many, many times. This resulted in recurring incidents of depression and anxiety throughout my life. Another consequence of my anger was a connected issue that is my battle with the behavioural addiction to porn.

You can read my story here.

Who Are You?

Do you know why you do the things that you do? Do you know why you say the things that you say? Most people are nothing more than physical and mental robots, they are almost predictable in their behaviour, even unpredictable people are predictable, by their sheer predictable nature of being unpredictable.

One thing I learned from all my mental health crisis’s over the years is that consciousness is like an onion, it has many, many layers and once you have peeled back a layer it is very easy to delude yourself that you have reached the core of the onion, or in the case of consciousness, the core of your being, the real you.

Real change comes from being honest, and fully understanding the causes of your actions, and this takes a very deep level of sincerity and the desire to truly accept and change who you are. This is not about self hatred, and it’s certainly not about feeling sorry for yourself either.

You need to take full responsibility for self.

Positive life-affirming change can happen very quickly if the desire for change is strong enough. Most people tend to evolve their consciousness gradually over the course of a life-time often through the bitter and painful experiences of life. Sadly though, some people never change, because they are firmly controlled by their ego and will be led to the grave never having been freed from its control.

Self introspection or as others may call it, self retrospection is the key to spiritual growth.

How To Self Introspect / Retrospect

One thing that anyone who is serious about removing dark and negative aspects from themselves should do is to write a journal. A journal can be hand written or typed on a computer etc, as a suggestion you can try this journal from Amazon.

A technique that can be beneficial is to review your day in reverse order before going to sleep at night. This process can be useful as normally this is done through our dreams, so instead our dreams can be used to show us other insights that maybe beneficial to us in our everyday lives.

When self-introspecting I have found the following questions to be useful.

  • What was your mood when getting up this morning, and why?
  • Were you sarcastic or rude today, if so, why and what happened?
  • How many hours have you spent in useless activities today?
  • Did you eat consciously and what did you eat?
  • What was your mood today, and how has it impacted others?
  • Have you lied, become angry or experienced envy, fear?
  • Have you gossiped?
  • Have you experienced lust or used pornography?
  • Have you drunk alcohol or used drugs, what was the underlying desire to use these things?

These questions are just a guide as others can easily be added to help peel back the layers of your own individual ‘onion’. The process of journaling, if it is done with honesty and determination can lead an individual to a sense of self realization.

A Little Caution Is Advised

Although self-introspection via journaling is perfectly safe, I would advise that it is essential that we don’t try to change too much about us at once, as this could lead to a feeling of being overwhelmed which could contribute to feelings of depression and anxiety.

The most growth comes through suffering, but too much suffering causes us to stagnate. There is a fine line that must be tread between too much, and not enough. Nobody likes to suffer, but in reality we already are. We suffer when we can’t get what we want, and we suffer when we get what we want and turns out that we didn’t want it in the first place.

Life is full of suffering, we can’t avoid it, but we shouldn’t add to it. We human-beings overly complicate life. It doesn’t need to be that way.

Lets all start peeling back the layers of our onions and get to the real us, the divine within each of us. Break free of our self imposed limitations, rid ourselves of the programming of our ‘well meaning’ family and corporate and government programming.

Be free!

God And Religion

The Power Of Incense

I do love the smell of incense burning in the house.  As I sit here writing this post, the aroma of white sage fills the air.  There is just something so relaxing about the smell of white sage.  I personally think that the burning of white sage can magically transform the feeling of a room.

I have recently had a birthday and I was grateful to receive some white sage and also some Japanese rose incense sticks.  I have never used Rose incense sticks before and I admit that the aroma is really growing on me.

We used to burn quite a lot of incense in my younger days, but with one thing and another the practice was put to oneside, now I am bringing it back again to reap its many benefits.

Why Use Incense

Incense and perfumes have a very long history, and there use goes much further than just making a person or a room smell nice.  How many times do we smell something and that aroma transports us back in time to either a positive or negative event in our lives.  Aromas do indeed have magical powers.

Aromas can also be used to heal spiritually, and expand our consciousness.  The use of incense can improve our meditations by helping to remove negative influences, and creating a pleasant environment in which to meditate or pray.

There are literally hundreds of aromatic substances that we can benefit from, and these are generally derived from plants.  I will list some of the aromas I have discoverd later.

It is essential that when purchasing incense that you source the highest quality possible, as some unreputable brands are made with toxic chemicals.  It is worth taking you time when seeking good quality incense, usually as with most things the higher the quality, the higher the price.

Safety First

When using incense it in essential that you use your common sense and do not leave incense burning near items of a flammable nature.  You can also benefit from incense without having to burn it by using a diffuser or other similar devices that generate aromas into the atmosphere by using water

Uses of Aromatics

There are three ways that the use of incense and perfumes can be beneficial.  Use caution when using these plants, and do your own research to ensure your safety, and the safety of your loved ones.

  • Spiritually cleaning your local environment (ie; home, office etc).
    • Sulfur, benzoin, copal, asafetida, sage, juniper, and rue.
  • Perfuming your environment after the spiritual cleaning.
    • Frankincense, sandalwood, pine, cedar, rose, jasmine and many more.
  • Healing of self or others.
    • I don’t have any experience in this as yet, but I understand that there are aromas/incense that are connected with our zodiac sign that can really be beneficial to our health.

How Often Should Incense Be Used

This is a personal question that depends on the needs of the individual.  Some people may need to spiritually cleanse their environments weekly or monthly depending of the level of spiritual contamination that is present from things like negativity of self or others.

I would suggest that perfuming is performed daily with high quality incense, once again this is down to individual preference.

Final Words

I would personally encourage everyone to try incense to see how it benefits their mood, and the mood of those around them.  I know some people might think that burning incense of for women, new age space cadets, hippies or what not, but I don’t agree.

If your sceptical, then open your mind and give it a try, it might surprise you.

All the best,


(Enjoying his ‘Japanese Rose Garden’)

death God And Religion Uncategorized

One Funeral And The Flu!

My dad died on Christmas Day, bit of a bummer that one, but at least it will be an easy day to remember.  Good one dad!

My dads funeral took a while to sort out, in fact it took almost an entire month.  The funeral was set for the 22nd January 2020, and during the wait for the big day I went through various thoughts concerning the death of the old man, the funeral and the wake.

This might come as a bit of a surprise to some people, but after 44 years of life on Terra, I have never been to a funeral!  I know, weird right?!  The last person to die in my family was my mums, mum and she left her body to science so there was no funeral to attend.

The Journey…

We took a funeral limo to the crematorium which was a strange experience in itself, I always wondered what the family talked about every time I would see one of these limos in the street.

As it turns out, if my family is anything to go by, it was usual shit.  My sister asked me how my job was going, my eldest brother looked casually out the window and then there was the usual banter back and forth.

At one point we were ahead of schedule so the limo driver reduced speed to 20 mph, I swear to God at one point we were being over taken by snails, and I almost blurted out “for the love of God, speed up before we die of old age!”

Even after we s-l-o-w-l-y arrived, we were still early!  My mum was given the choice of waiting in the limo or to go in to the visitors area and mingle with friends and family.  My mum choose for us to stay in the limo, a very long 15 minutes later we finally made our way into the crematorium.

Funerals Are As I Expected

To be perfectly honest I didn’t want to go to my dads funeral, it’s not that I hated the man or anything, sure we had issues in our relationship and I’m pretty sure in many ways I was a disappointment to him, but oh well, such is life.

To me death is a continuation of life, it isn’t something to be sad over, it’s a reason to celebrate, both the life of the soul here on Earth and also their onward journey.  Also, I always had a feeling that funerals are such a mindbogglingly dull event that they were best avoided in case, well, in case of being bored shit-less.

My dad didn’t plan his own funeral because of the unexpected and fast growth of his condition, so my mum bless her, did the very best she could.  The service was nice, and I think my dad would of been happy with what my mum had done for him.  I don’t have any issues with any of that, I also have no issues with people needing the funeral to serve as a sense of closure.

I won’t disrespect the experience and needs of others, but just for me I was completely bored senseless.  The service took about 40 minutes, which is rather long from what I understand from others who have attended cremations have stated.  I can certainly say that I felt every one of those 40 minutes, and I must have checked my watch about 4 times during the service.

Family, That Was Weird

If the whole funeral wasn’t weird enough, meeting people outside the service was even weirder.  I am not exactly close with my family, so seeing people I haven’t seen for over 20 years and then having to make awkward small talk was even weirder.

I felt like at the end of every conversation I was supposed to finish off by saying something like “well, it’s been so lovely seeing you again.  See you in another 20 years, or another funeral, whichever comes first eh?”

I saw my two nieces who are now in their early twenties, the last time I saw them they were about 6 years old.  Nice one girls, you really know how to make a man feel old!

I am not the type of person who dwells on time lost, but an awful lot can happen in 20 years.  Makes you think.

Waving Goodbye To The Wake

I didn’t go to the wake as I was suffering from a virus, so really I shouldn’t of even gone to the funeral, but I had a feeling that my family would never of forgave me, but I didn’t go for them, I went for my mum.

My mum had great concerns that she didn’t know how she was going to get through the day, but she did really well, and think she probably even surprised herself.  I can’t imagine what it would be like to lose someone you have been close with for almost 50 years.

Thanks, But It’s Not For Me

If my dads funeral has taught me but one thing, it’s that it’s not for me.

I am NEVER going to die!

All kidding aside, personally I think they are a pointless and futile experience, at least the way they are carried out currently.  I know I have only seen one, and my partner assures me that they are not all like this.

That maybe so, but it’s still not for me.

I have heard some people say that at their funeral they will have strippers and loud music and I can see their point, at least it wont be dull.  Maybe that is the point, it has to be dull to force you into a state of reflection.

Personally, I can still have a reflective frame of mind without being bored silly.

When I eventually leave this earth plane I don’t think I want a service or flowers, or anything like that.  I would love for my body to wrapped in a shroud and placed in a viking long ship, set a blaze and sent out to sea.

Although I am pretty sure that isn’t legal in my country, so I guess my partner will have to shell out for a litre of petrol and some matches and go full on backyard bbq.

A Lighter Note

The joys of getting older, adult diapers, losing your teeth, hair, eyesight and memory and if that isn’t bad enough some of us less mature souls lose our sense of humour.

If I can’t be cremated when I die, do me a favour and bury me face down in a shallow grave so at least someone can use my arse as a place to park their bike!


Control Goals God And Religion happiness positive thinking Success

My Path To Being A Disciple Of God.

At the start of 2019 I didn’t know what was going to happen to me, I was just bumbling along in life as you do, and then wham, the world I once knew ended.  My whole world turned upside down.

But, I knew one thing though.  Life was not going to be the same again.

I didn’t suddenly wake up one day and say hey I know what I am going to do with my life, I’m going to become one of Gods Warriors, a disciple if you will. What the heck does that even mean? I don’t mean to say these things as some sort of arrogant statement, because that is not who I am.  Maybe sometimes I am.

Soul Searching Is Good

These past few months have caused me to do a lot of soul searching, maybe you could call it a some kind of mid-life crisis, maybe a turning point would be more fitting.  It doesn’t matter what triggered this, or even how it is labeled. What matters is how I feel inspired to proceed with my life.

There is very much a sense of knowing in my life now, a sense of things to be done. I have no idea how this knowing is going to be manifested in my life on a day to day, or even a week to week basis. Does it even matter? In the past I would of said yes, but today it doesn’t matter much.

My intention now is to live a Godly life, and this means different things to different people, and that is fine. The materialist and the ego driven souls will laugh at the mere concept of living a divinely inspired life, but that is also fine.

What Is A Godly Life

Do I actually know what living a Godly life looks like? As I said before I am very much an apprentice, and my perceptions are very much limited. From my humble and limited observations, if I would to look back on my generally ego driven life I can see now where I have strayed from the path and I suppose in essence I can use that as a kind of way-marker if you will.

Really, from the point of view of God, we never truly get lost for long. Maybe we confuse ourselves over many life times, but in time I think we all come back to God in our own and unique way and time-scale.

As the old saying goes “Man plans, and God laughs”.

God isn’t emotionally invested in what we do, or how we behave. God has all the time in the universe, and possibly so do we as divine beings, but I, the consciousness that I call Jae is short on time, considering the average mortal life span is some where around about the age of 80 something.

I feel that I have a lot to achieve on this mortal coil, but the problem is I’m not actually sure what it is I am supposed to be achieving.

As the Oracle said in the first Matrix film;

Oracle : Sorry, kid. You got the gift, but it looks like you’re waiting for something.

Neo : What?

Oracle : Your next life, maybe. Who knows? That’s the way these things go.

We all have the ‘gift’ and some of us manifest these gifts for the benefit of others, and the rest of us seem to be waiting for something.  Maybe we can all realize our potential in the next life time, or even the next 1,000 life times, who knows?

We Have To Make A Choice

One thing I am learning, albeit slowly, is that we have to make a choice.  It’s a scary choice for many people, but as daunting as it maybe, we have to choose between the ‘red pill’ and the ‘blue pill’.

We have to believe that God will catch us as we fall through the rabbit-hole into the world of faith and discipline.  It’s a scary prospect having faith in something that the world says your crazy to ‘believe’ in, but faith is what you need and you need a lot of it, living through the heart in a world controlled by the cold intellect and ego is a scary place indeed.

Letting go of control, the ego and intellect is very scary, but through faith and  discipline I firmly believe things become easier. I am far from an expert, but I am trusting more and more.

I would be a liar if I said that letting go is easy and not fear inducing, but I think staying in this limited tribal reality is more scary.

Well then, there is only one thing for it, and as Morpheus said in the Matrix…

Just breathe, Neo“. 

Breathe, be still, be at one with God.  I think that is sound advice indeed. 

God And Religion positive thinking Success

A Spiritual Code, Is A Warriors Code

We all have a code that we live by, it doesn’t matter if we are conscious of that fact or not.  The code we live by is often crafted by our parents, peers or society in general.  Do we even know what our code consists of, well you do when someone disrespects it!

I suppose you could call this way of living as being morally correct, ethically right or even universal law to an extent.  Really, what our personal code of conduct boils down to is how we view the world, or how we think the world should be.  We believe the way we see things is right, and the views of others is either down right wrong, or distorted in some way.

I have had a code that I have lived by for a long time and mostly it has served me fairly well, but through the help of my therapy and my ever increasing perception of my previous and current behaviors I am slowly changing my own personal code.  I am crafting this code of honor so to speak on a weekly and daily basis.  Almost every week I am finding something to rid myself of, or at least to re-evaluate in some way.

I Have A Code

I have always found the mind of the warrior to be something worthy of study, not so much the modern warrior mentality, but the ancient Samurai etc.  They had a very firm code of conduct, they spent countless hours perfecting both their physical arts, but also their mental disciplines.  I spent a number of years practicing various martial arts and I spent many a mis-spent evening reading various Eastern philosophies connected with the likes of the Samurai.

I am slowly crafting both my mental, emotional and spiritual disciplines along the lines of the ancient warrior disciplines.

I am not a physical warrior by any stretch of the imagination, but at times I do have the mind of one.  This is something in time I wish to embrace and nurture much more.

I Have Crafted Some Outlines For My ‘Warriors Code’

  • Have the courage and strength to go beyond my self imposed limitations
  • In the great silence is the I am.
  • I use negative in my life as a learning experience, and a cause for growth
  • Balance is the middle path
  • My word is law to me
  • Living a life of acceptance, gratitude and detachment
  • Judge nothing
  • Don’t defend or force my views
  • Respect all living beings, no matter how different they are from me
  • My power comes from divine mind
  • Life is sacred
  • Accept and understand death, but not to fear it
  • To be physically, mentally, emotionally disciplined

Note: List updated 28 Sep 2019

The above is a little long winded, so there will indeed be some fine tuning before I can settle on maybe a list of possibly 5 or 10 core aspects.

I am finding the re-evaluation of  my long held beliefs to be something rather cathartic and liberating, although I am finding the  process of removing long held beliefs to be a scary and daunting experience at times.  I know I can’t stand still, because the fear of stagnation is often more daunting than the fear of the unknown.

Here’s to the elimination and liberation of long held and restricting beliefs!

I would be interested to hear if anyone has a code they live by or something similar?

God And Religion Mental Health Porn Addiction Uncategorized

Prayer, Mental Health And Addiction

I have conflicted views on this subject.  Hey, me conflicted?  What’s new! Well into the rabbit hole we go.

Can prayer actually change the way I think?  Is it just a futile case of talking to myself?  I am not doubting the existence of God, because to me that is not logical.  I suppose in a way I’m not even doubting the fact that God ‘listens’ to heartfelt prayers.

That’s all well and good I say.

But, I’m not sure what I expect from God when I pray?  Maybe for ‘Him’ to tell me that everything is ok, that I am doing the right things, heck, even that he has my back.  What do I get from prayer is essentially nothing, what was I expecting?  Not sure.

I’m sure I’m not the only person who feels this way.  I know, I have to have faith that if the prayer is from the heart then God will hear.  Am I totally selfish to think that isn’t enough?

Maybe that is my problem, maybe it’s the fact that I am expecting something.  Is it that I can’t let go, that in some way I have to be in control of the outcome?  That’s actually weird to think that in some way my small pathetic little ego is actually trying to control God!  Do I need to place boundaries between my and God, maybe the problem is that I have erected boundaries and I am not aware of them?

I feel that a lot of people who pray for help with their issues are happy to believe that God was heard them.  It’s not the same for me, belief is not enough, I need to know.  I want concrete proof that I have been heard and things are being acted upon.  Nobody phones a friend engages in a conversation and then hangs up and says they believe they had a conversation with a friend.  They know it.  So if God is real, why should it be any different?

I am reminded of a story that pretty much sums up what I am trying to understand.

I Sent You a Rowboat

A very religious man was once caught in rising floodwaters. He climbed onto the roof of his house and trusted God to rescue him. A neighbour came by in a canoe and said, “The waters will soon be above your house. Hop in and we’ll paddle to safety.”

“No thanks” replied the religious man. “I’ve prayed to God and I’m sure he will save me”

A short time later the police came by in a boat. “The waters will soon be above your house. Hop in and we’ll take you to safety.”

“No thanks” replied the religious man. “I’ve prayed to God and I’m sure he will save me”

A little time later a rescue services helicopter hovered overhead, let down a rope ladder and said. “The waters will soon be above your house. Climb the ladder and we’ll fly you to safety.”

“No thanks” replied the religious man. “I’ve prayed to God and I’m sure he will save me”

All this time the floodwaters continued to rise, until soon they reached above the roof and the religious man drowned. When he arrived at heaven he demanded an audience with God. Ushered into God’s throne room he said, “Lord, why am I here in heaven? I prayed for you to save me, I trusted you to save me from that flood.”

“Yes you did my child” replied the Lord. “And I sent you a canoe, a boat and a helicopter. But you never got in.”

Source: unknown.

So in essence God doesn’t communicate the way my ego wishes for God to communicate.  It doesn’t change the fact that prayer seems a very one way form of communication.  That I may never know that my prayers have actually been heard, let alone acted upon, unless of course a miracle happens.

I really only have two courses of action here.

  1. To give up on prayer as a pointless and futile exercise.
  2. To accept that prayer is what it is, and learn to have faith that it is heard and acted upon.

Which is the easiest choice to make, and which is the right choice.  I am prone to taking the negative path much of the time, so I choose to go with the path of faith.

Lets see where this path leads.

I just found this rather fitting story, so I would like to end with these rather striking words.

Even When He’s Silent


The Holocaust is one of the terribly traumatic episodes of modern history, yet it has also yielded some astounding stories of bravery and faith. In France a Jewish family were hidden by some concerned French nationals in the basement of their house. The Jewish family waited and waited for their deliverance. At the end of the war these words were found scribbled on the wall of that basement:

“I believe in the sun even when it does not shine.
I believe in love even when it is not given.
I believe in God even when he is silent.”

Source: reported in Hans, God on the Witness Stand (Baker, 1987)